Emperor's Box

HAVE YOU HEARD OF ???? - 10 YEAR OLD RENE SERRANO (by...

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 21:07:59 +1000

HAVE YOU HEARD OF ???? - 10 YEAR OLD RENE SERRANO (by nkalexander7)

Love the caption!
“Watching 10-year-old Rene Serrano’s sick skateboarding skills will make you feel really lame…and really old.”

Slow Club - Two Cousins (by moshimoshirecords)

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 21:02:06 +1000

Slow Club - Two Cousins (by moshimoshirecords)

Police: Dad stabs son for wearing hat in church

Sun, 21 Aug 2011 23:26:05 +1000

Okay, I know this was two years ago, but I only just stumbled across the article on the web. And…whoa! Talk about CRAZY!!

2/24/2009

The Associated Press BALTIMORE — A 58-year-old man stabbed his teenage son after he refused to take off his hat at church earlier in the day, police said.

The father and his 19-year-old son got into an argument on Sunday afternoon, police said. That’s when police said the father went to a car, got a knife and stabbed his son in the left buttock and fled.

The son was taken to University of Maryland Medical Center for treatment. The father’s name was withheld pending his arrest.

So I’m thinking, wearing hats in Church is disrespectful, but going around stabbing people’s butt cheeks with knives is not? Weird.

Had entirely too much fun with a borrowed labeler today. I labeled my kitchen (drinking glasses,...

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 23:58:54 +1000

Had entirely too much fun with a borrowed labeler today.

I labeled my kitchen (drinking glasses, wine glasses, mugs, plastic cups, cutlery, utensils, bowls and plates, clingwrap…. etc).

Then I labeled my laundry (first aid, candles, toilet paper, tissues, lightbulbs, cleaning…etc).

Then I labelled my bathroom, my craft supplies, my clothes drawers & storage boxes in my bedroom…

The madness only stopped because I ran out of label tape.

whitepajamas: Noel Fielding: Are metal detectors made out of...

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 23:56:34 +1000

whitepajamas:

Noel Fielding: Are metal detectors made out of metal? ‘Cause that’s always confused me.
Simon Amstell: Good point.
Noel Fielding: Don’t they just detect themselves? [buzzes] Me, again. [buzzes twice] That was me, sorry. [buzzes] I can’t help it! I’m mainly metal.

The Angel noticed something and reached out and touched the...

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 00:29:08 +1000

The Angel noticed something and reached out and touched the woman’s cheek. “Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model God! I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.”

“That’s not a leak.” The Lord objected. “That is a tear!”

“A ‘tear’? What’s the tear for?” the Angel asked.

The Lord said, “The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride.”

This is not me, but it’s how fat I feel every single day.

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 00:23:44 +1000

This is not me, but it’s how fat I feel every single day.

When I grow up…

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 04:59:06 +1000

When I grow up…

I think EVERYONE should have these at their wedding! How...

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 00:55:06 +1000

I think EVERYONE should have these at their wedding! How adorable!

sighs

Gingerbread Lovers! <3

Death, I think, is really life, The living, I’d call dead; To leave this human, mortal...

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 00:21:14 +1000

Death, I think, is really life,

The living, I’d call dead;

To leave this human, mortal strife

And in new paths be led.

Death, I think, is beautiful,

A new and happy home,

To live then with the Father

And away you’ll never roam.

Death, I know, brings sorrow,

And often drops a tear;

Then you think your end has come,

But it’s only life that’s near.

——by Ted Hagstrom age 10, killed at age 13 in an auto accident.

I lost a dear, dear friend tonight. And although I know she is pain free in heaven, my heart aches at the loss. How dare the clock keep slowly ticking, as though nothing out of the ordinary has happened at all.

Cute!!

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 20:57:06 +1000

Cute!!

Some nights, I get an annoying pain in my muscles and joints that stops me from getting comfortable...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 04:15:15 +1000

Some nights, I get an annoying pain in my muscles and joints that stops me from getting comfortable in any position, which stops me from getting to sleep…does this happen to anyone else?

Yes, this fawn does have a penguin on it’s head. No, I do...

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 00:05:16 +1000

Yes, this fawn does have a penguin on it’s head. No, I do not know why.

But I would like to know how it stays on there. A tiny penguin saddle?

This photo made me cry. I have ALWAYS wanted a pet deer…...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 23:58:39 +1000

This photo made me cry. I have ALWAYS wanted a pet deer… well…since I was about 3 years old.

Photo

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 23:53:21 +1000

Yesterday Today Tomorrow Forever

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 23:40:31 +1000

Today is the tomorrow you were worrying about yesterday. Yesterday was wasted.

Learn your lesson.

Don’t spend your yesterdays worrying about tomorrows - just live your todays to the fullest.

You can never get today back. Worrying about tomorrow doesn’t change anything - except to waste that which you could have had - but now cannot…your today.

The Emperor

Keep Calm And Fill In Your Census Form… TONIGHT!

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 16:58:44 +1000

Keep Calm And Fill In Your Census Form… TONIGHT!

101 ways to annoy people

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 00:06:10 +1000

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
Keep specifying that your drive-through order is “take away”.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…”
Cross your eyes while talking to others.
Make up nonsense jokes, and insist on laughing with hilarity at the end of each.
Speak only in a “robot” voice.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Sniffle incessantly.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty kilometers.
Name your dog “Who.”
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”.
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.”
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with disinfectant.
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.”
Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.”
Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal voice.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire copyright warnings.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places…to stink later…
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Set alarms for random times.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Ask for sushi without “that yucky green seaweedy stuff”.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Dress only in clothes colored Fluorescent Orange.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Tape pieces of “Pilates for older women” over climactic parts of rental movies.
Wear your pants backwards.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dontuseanypunctuationorspaceseither
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Pay for your dinner with 5c pieces
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Write “X - BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.
Inform everyone you meet of your personal relationship with the Green Jelly Martians.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, its gone now.”
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.
Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.”
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Pretend your computer’s mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
Drive half a block.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Ask people what gender they are.
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as “A Sailor Went To Sea-Sea-Sea”.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Change your name to “AaJohn Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each “a.”
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down (thinking it’s a speed camera).
Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”
Sing along at the opera.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!”
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.”
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend “weird-o-meter-radar,” and “scan” people with it, announcing the results.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.

"Victoria was just as much in love with me as I was with her. We could not bear to be apart for a..."

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 23:50:53 +1000

“Victoria was just as much in love with me as I was with her. We could not bear to be apart for a single second. We were like two lovers shipwrecked on a desert island. There was no world outside our love.”

- Andy Gibb

"Soul meets soul on lovers’ lips."

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 23:50:11 +1000

“Soul meets soul on lovers’ lips.”

- P. B. Shelley